Strategies for Dealing with Difficult People

All of us, at some time, find ourselves in a position of having to deal with a difficult person and frequently it is on our job. Below are some tips you might find helpful.

• Remember you can’t fix or change a difficult person.
• Use deep breathing to keep yourself grounded.
• Use imagery such as a “shield of light” or a “protective wall” to create boundaries.
• De-personalize the situation.
• Don’t argue, criticize or debate.
• Assume that the person is operating from a good and honest intention.
• Ask open-ended questions to gather additional information.
• Reframe the intensity of their behavior as “really caring about something.”
• Use positive self-talk.
• Keep your own emotions in check.
• Don’t appear intimidated, anxious or afraid.
• Move the person from generalizations to specifics.
• “Blend” – reduce differences, find common ground and increase rapport.
• Prepare an effective comeback – be direct, stick to the facts.
• Use interruptions as a strategy to short-circuit inappropriate behaviors.
• Focus on “interests”, not positions.
• Use a “people” perspective rather then a “problem” perspective.
• Create new options, and offer new behaviors.
• Use “I” statements rather than “you” statements.
• Use the interaction as an opportunity to grow, practice healthy skills.
• Give yourself permission to walk away from an abusive/unacceptable interaction.