How to Talk With Your Children

Communication is the key to a healthy relationship between you and your children. The following are some suggestions for making communication a little easier.

• Be available during the times when your children are most likely to talk, such as bedtime, in the care, etc.
• Show an interest in the things that your children are interested in. Start the conversation with a statement, not a question. Be willing to talk about things that you have been thinking about.
• Find time each week for an uninterrupted one-on-one activity with each child.
  Pay attention when your children are talking to you about their concerns.
• Listen to their point of view, even if it's difficult to hear.
• Let them complete their point before you respond.
• Repeat what you heard them say to ensure that you understand them correctly.
• Soften strong reactions; kids will tune you out if you appear angry or defensive.
• Express your opinion without putting down theirs; acknowledge that it's okay to disagree.
• Resist arguing about who is right. Instead say, "I know you disagree with me, but this is what I think."
• Focus on your child's feelings rather than your own during your conversation.
• Ask your children what they may want or need from you in a conversation, such as advice, simply listening, help in dealing with feelings, or help solving a problem.
• Kids learn by imitating. Most often, they will follow your lead in how they deal with anger, solve problems, and work through difficult feelings.
• Talk to your children--don't lecture, criticize, threaten, or say hurtful things.
• Kids learn from their own choices. As long as the consequences are not dangerous, don't feel you have to step in.
• Realize your children may test you by telling you a small part of what is bothering them. Listen carefully to what they say, encourage them to talk, and they may share the rest of the story.